he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
