I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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