yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
