I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
