We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
