Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
