Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
