I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
