i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
