dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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