I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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