Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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