Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
