My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
