exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
