guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize