i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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