you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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