i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
