I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i came on her dog
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
