Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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