Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
