i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
