Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
