totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
