Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
