you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
