With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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