The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
