he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
