He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
