I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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