he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
