mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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