Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
