left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
