Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
