Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
