ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
