i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize