remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
