somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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