id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
