he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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