You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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