I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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