New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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