is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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