So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
