No stitches, just platelets and will power
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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