Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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