so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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