oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
