walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
