We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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