My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
that is very illegal...i love you.
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