just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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