the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
