I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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