After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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