My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize