3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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