Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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