i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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