he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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