i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Congratulations! We have a period
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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