i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish i was in the wii world.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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