We named our party play list daddy issues
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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