I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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