Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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