Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
