1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm just crazy horny about you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
