The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
