So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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