True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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