I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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