I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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