Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
