Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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